Journal Entry from 12/31/2021
Okay so yesterday I actually paid for the site
It is live
I am going to go through and start posting these tomorrow. It is December 31st. I did all of the things I said I was going to do. I am so proud of me. I have my goals and plans set for next year.
I have paid to have my site public. I have reached out to get a new therapist. I have reached out to get my sister locks. I have cleaned my apartment.
I don’t know what more to say other than I need to edit these other posts. Now I have to get everything edited and uploaded.
Ima do these and then have actual blog posts.
little boop #495: gone
My locs are really just sitting in a bag with my loc maintenance supplies.
little boop #494: black Friday
I am only shopping at these major retailers today because I know it makes my mama happy. Won’t catch me in these stores any other time.
little boop #490: planned
going into work late to make sure there was enough time for them to decorate my desk.
Little Boop 489 : Cycles
The craziest part is that it all makes sense. Y’all always telling me that I mess up and come up short. Of course ima run to someone that thinks everything I do is amazing. 🫣🫠
LITTLE BOOP #488: LAST MINUTE
If we make plans last minute, 97% of the time I will not come.
Little boop #487: clocked in
This will be my last birthday clocking in for someone else. My goal is to make this the last 22nd I work period.
Little boop # 77: dark space
Today has been by far the worst day ever. I am completely broke. Not a penny to my name. Not gas in my car. Only ate when they fed me at work. I feel like I’m back in high school. Just a big fuck up. Can’t do anything right people. Peoples expectations of me are always so high and outweigh what I want for myself.>I’m sitting here crying because they think I’m a terrible person even though I know I’m not. The second I start feeling better by myself something brings me down. Everyone expects me to be superwoman and I will be but it will be by my definition. I am so emotionally detached and I don’t know how to fix it. It’s like I feel like a burden to everyone in my family and an inconvenience to my friends. Yet I still smile because I know deep down that I’m amazing and I will be successful. I change lives every day. My personality is infectious. I am great.
Little boop #76: lemme write
I’m The type of girl who will write something on paper and then type it. I haven’t gotten into the hang of just typing things out. I like a pen and paper. Even though my iCal is popping, it doesn’t matter if it isn’t in my journal. As I sit here typing this, I have gotten out of this app FOUR TIMES. Toooooo many distractions in one little phone.
Little boop #74: questions
Who am I?
honest, loving, financially unstable, trustworthy, sweet, looking for a job, reliable, independent, aspiring to be a successful blogger<
Who I want to be?>
Financially stable, right, loving, open, independent, successful, great work ethic, reliable, well put together
What I have to improve:<budgeting, keep up with my journals, read more, learn everything I can, volunteer more
Check off my list and stick to my guns. Make myself better.
Little boop #73: look ma no glasses
I enjoy performing. Who knew how much easier it would be without my glasses or contacts?! I’m able to actually get into character better because I can’t see the crowd.>I am so happy that I accepted this challenge.
Little boop #72: transitions
I can’t believe I actually quit that job. I have never been so hesitant about leaving a position in my life. It is time for new opportunities. Even if the new opportunities are with an old company. It would be amazing if I could retire from the first job I ever had.
Little boop #71: speaking is hard
>I’m starting to think that I may be a little bit nonverbal in the sense of I can’t say things. But that could be just in my head. <I wrote all of my notes so I will be able to begin recording. I did it in a bullet point fashion so I was able to continue to talk afterwards. I ran through what I was going to say in my head about 5-10 times. Then I sat everything down and pressed record. I looked at the paper and said everything in less than two minutes. Bullet points did not work at all. I stumbled over my words. I recorded four times over and it no where near everything I had said in my head. When I played it back everything made since, but it was very choppy. What I learned is that I will have to write a full on script. I am still going to post it as my first post because I think it is a good representation of my process.
>Moral of the story: From here on out I will be writing the post first and using the posts as my script so I can actually say what I want to say. The whole channel is about me, so it will be fine. The posts will only get better.
Little boop #68: when I’m up, I’m up
I’m not one of those people who can be woken up and go right back to sleep. I’m going to be up for a minute.
Little boop #67: no sibling rivalry
I’m sitting here watching Grown-ish. They are talking about rewriting the narrative. Particularly when it comes to family roles and relationships. I think that my mother thinks I hate my sister sometimes but I don’t. And I never have. I think over the past year or so we too have began to write our sibling narrative.
little boop #58: feeling good
I have a great feeling about this. I love to write. I just have to make sure I post it. Blogging and selling my shirts. I have 3 shirt ideas and that will be what it is. yay. I have a simple yet great plan.>Time to make it do what it do.